Talk HR to Me: Personal Crisis, Missed Deadlines and Crying During Reviews
Welcome to Talk HR to Me, a People Managing People advice column with Alana Fallis, VP, Head of People at Quantum Metric.
Every two weeks Alana is going to dig into your pressing HR questions and provide advice that helps you navigate the stickiest of situations. In this first installment, we look at going from colleague to manager with your peers, dealing with an employee in a personal crisis, unexpected departures and productivity coaching.
If you have questions you'd like to see answered, submit them via email to david.rice@peoplemanagingpeople.com. Your information will be kept anonymous.
So, without further ado...
Question 1
Someone on my team cries during every review. I want to be kind—but also direct. Help?
No one wants to see their team member cry! But you know what would not be kind? Withholding important feedback because you fear how it'll be received, leading to trouble down the road.
Everyone communicates differently, and I suggest getting your team member's guidance on how they'd like to receive feedback before the next review or performance conversation.
In your next 1:1, raise it as an item: "We have a review conversation coming up, I know from our last conversation that you found hearing critical feedback challenging. It's really important that we're able to have open and honest discussion about how things are going, both good and bad. How do you like to receive feedback?"
Some suggestions are:
- Preview it the day before so they have a chance to digest it before your conversation.
- Do the review with camera off so they feel less in the spotlight
- Be very mindful of tone.
As an idea for the future, I have new direct reports on my team fill out a guide to working with them when they join, including how they'd like to be told if something is not going well.
Question 2
I know an employee is job hunting. Should I acknowledge it? Try to retain them? Let it go?
It depends on how you found out! If your employee shared their screen that included a tab with a job application elsewhere, I'd call it to their attention. If you found out through the rumor mill, or someone in your network called you to backchannel a reference, I wouldn't.
In most cases honestly, I wouldn't. The reason is - it's hard to gauge someone's seriousness about leaving (sometimes people are just shopping, curiosity gets the better of them), and also ... it's not really any of my business.
If you absolutely feel you must, or - in the case where you really want to retain them employee - I would open the conversation with how things are going and whether they are still happy in the role.
This might lead to a conversation where the person provides some feedback or asks for help in their day-to-day. Then you can (hopefully) have an honest discussion of what comes next.
Question 3
I’m new to management and suddenly in charge of my former peers. How do I avoid weird power dynamics?
Acknowledge them! Have a conversation with your new direct reports where you set the tone for working together going forward. A little humor and humility goes a long way in a case like this. You can start by admitting: "this is a little strange, huh?".
Make it worth their while by telling them how you plan to show up for them in your new capacity as manager, learn their working preferences including how they like to be communicated with, and take an interest in their career and development.
The worst thing you can do is become fixated on the status and show up all "new sheriff in town." Work on building trust in this new relationship, and I promise things will get less weird over time.
Question 4
One of my team members is experiencing a personal crisis and has requested extended unpaid leave. What factors should I consider when making a decision, and how do I communicate this to the team?
I commend you for the desire to accommodate this team member and be supportive in challenging times. A few things to consider - does your company have a policy on how the business evaluates unpaid leave requests?
If so, it's important to approach these scenarios equitably and fairly using a consistent set of criteria, as it's definitely not the last request you'll receive.
In the absence of a formal company policy, is there a precedent for handling previous requests? Regardless, you won't make this decision in a vacuum. As a manager, you'll want to partner with your HR team.
Another factor to be aware of is your company's medical insurance - some plans have limits on how long an employee can stay on your insurance plan without receiving pay, which you'll want to understand.
The most straightforward answer here is to the question, "what do I communicate to the team?"
The only thing they need to know can be summed up like this: "Jane will be on a leave and stepping away from work for a period of time, we expect about 12 weeks. Here is how we plan to cover her workload in her absence...".
Question 5
We had a long standing team member leave unexpectedly. I have been avoiding how to answer questions on why from her teammates - as she was a really well liked employee with a lot of friends here. Honestly, she was terminated for performance. Is it okay to say this when asked so that they don't think it was something worse?
Definitely not, no! Your reports have rightfully picked up on the fact that this person did not leave voluntarily, otherwise she would have announced it.
Even when it's obvious that someone has been terminated, you should never provide specifics on why to fellow members of the team- simply because it's none of their business.
While I don't recommend providing detail, I do recommend getting ahead of these communications in the future with a more proactive message.
When someone is terminated, plan to meet with the "need to know" stakeholders (or anyone who worked with them very closely) to provide the following info: "Sarah is no longer with the business as of today. We are thankful for the work she did during her time here and sincerely wish her the best. Going forward, points of contact for the x y z project will be Tony and Ann."
How you talk about departing team members sends an important message to those who remain. However, if pressed for more detail, you may say something like: "I appreciate that you worked with Sarah closely, and you have questions about her departure, but I'm not able to provide any further detail. I'm sure you would want your personal details kept private too."
That usually does the trick.
Question 6
One of my team members consistently misses deadlines and their work quality has slipped. I've had a few conversations with them, but things aren't improving. How do I address this in a way that's fair, "above board", and ultimately helps the team's productivity?
If you have already spoken with this team member and things aren't improving, it sounds like you may have to start down the path of more formal performance management. But before you do that - see if you can get to the bottom of why.
Maybe there is something going on with this team member personally or professionally that's getting in their way... especially if this behavior is somewhat new. Meet with them, share what you've observed, and ask what's going on. Maybe they'll share something you were unaware of, in which case you can respond as appropriate.
But if not, and they have simply been inattentive, share with them that we're starting to get to a point where this lack of urgency and lack of attention to detail is negatively impacting their work.
Outline what your expectations are. Share that if things don't improve, you may need to start down the path of more formal underperformance management, such as a Performance Improvement Plan.
Follow up the conversation with an email of what you've discussed, including your expectations going forward and what resources you have to help them. In a few weeks if things haven't improved, revisit with a more formal measure.
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