How To Have A Performance Review Conversation That Matters (And Maybe Even Have Fun!)

Key Takeaways

The Dreaded Review Ritual: Performance reviews often evoke anxiety despite their potential to boost workplace efficiency and development.

Transforming Apprehension into Opportunity: By changing the approach, these reviews can become valuable opportunities for feedback and growth rather than dreaded chores.

Conversations That Count: Effective performance discussions can lead to improved employee performance and satisfaction when managed with empathy and clarity.

There are many things we do in HR where I see the potential of enhancing performance, and yet people dread it. One of those is the performance review conversation. 

Those two words make both managers and employees cringe. It’s a ritual often dreaded because, let’s face it, most reviews end up being tepid, uninspiring, or a realization that the manager and employee see the world very differently. 

But here’s the thing: performance review conversations don’t have to feel like an uncomfortable trip to the dentist. They can be opportunities for connection, growth, and, dare I say, inspiration.  

Understanding The Performance Review Conversation

First, let’s set the table. What are our motivations here? A performance review conversation is a formal discussion between a manager and an employee designed to assess past job performance, provide constructive feedback, and establish goals for the future, right? 

And yes, it helps to have a handy dandy performance management tool that can do all kinds of things and gives you a variety of insights, but it's not the end all be all of success here.

By nature, the purpose of this conversation is multifaceted and therein lies an issue. While it’s an opportunity to recognize achievements, celebrate successes, and motivate employees by highlighting their contributions, it also serves to identify areas for improvement, where employees can be challenged to learn and grow.

Moreover, performance review goal setting aligns the individual with broader company objectives, helping both the employee and organization move in the same direction for future success. So put all that together and what do you have?

A recipe for a difficult meeting, that’s what. Too often we’re trying to boil the ocean as they say. In reality, we need to use the time to target the few things that will have the greatest impact on the employee’s ability to perform and move on. If the result of the review is feedback that is too heavy, it feels unattainable for the employee.

Frequency and timing

Performance review conversations typically occur on a regular basis, with common frequencies including annual, semi-annual, or quarterly reviews. The timing of these conversations depends on various factors, such as the company’s performance cycle, fiscal year, and project timelines.

• Annual reviews are the most traditional and offer a comprehensive overview of an employee’s performance over the year.
• Semi-annual or quarterly reviews may be preferred in fast-paced industries where more frequent feedback is necessary to maintain alignment with evolving business goals.
• Ad-hoc reviews can occur after major projects, organizational shifts, or significant milestones, ensuring that performance feedback is provided in a timely manner and employees receive the guidance they need to stay on track.

The key to an effective performance review conversation is timing—ensuring that reviews are held at meaningful intervals to align with project cycles or major organizational changes. 

Timely reviews help to ensure that feedback is relevant and actionable, and employees feel that their contributions are valued throughout the year. This is why I cannot emphasize this enough, you NEED to stop reviewing performance once a year, and instead move toward continuous performance management in which managers and their direct reports have regular check ins.

Performance is multidimensional and you simply cannot cover everything or do all the necessary coaching in one meeting per quarter, never mind a year.

Preparing For The Performance Review Conversation

Ahead of the performance review conversation, both managers and employees need to prepare themselves with the right information to go into that meeting with. This ensures a conversation that is balanced and unbiased. 

For managers

Gather relevant data and examples

Managers collect performance metrics, project outcomes, and specific examples of achievements and areas for improvement to provide objective, actionable feedback.

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Review employee’s self-assessment

Reviewing the employee’s self-evaluation offers insight into their perspective, helping align feedback with their self-perception and guiding a more productive discussion.

Set clear objectives for the conversation

Set clear goals for the performance review—whether addressing performance issues, career development, or future objectives—to ensure a focused and actionable conversation.

For employees

Reflect on personal performance honestly

Employees should reflect on their achievements, challenges, and growth to understand their own performance and engage more effectively in the review. But it’s important employees avoid viewing each conversation as a component in demanding their next raise.

If employees come in talking about their achievements and performance as if it is emblematic of perfection, it shows a lack of self awareness and integrity.

Prepare questions and topics for discussion

Come prepared with questions about performance expectations, feedback on specific tasks, or development opportunities to guide the conversation.

Reimagining Performance Reviews

Let’s take a moment to imagine a beautiful and impactful review, it goes a bit like this one I came across recently:  

"My manager knew I loved writing articles that required depth and reporting. We had talked about it in the past, but the truth is, that wasn’t the work we typically did. At the same time, my manager saw what was happening in podcasting and discovered that the CEO really liked podcasts. So my manager challenged me to develop a couple of podcast ideas for the business, knowing it lent itself to the kind of storytelling I liked to do. He made that connection for me and got backing from the CEO to launch a podcast with one of our partners. It proved to be a framework we applied to bigger clients and helped those relationships thrive. This was made possible by a manager who cared and connected the dots. He used it to inspire me and get me excited about my work, making my performance review conversations feel like we were creating something, not just going over what I did last fiscal year. We were making my career take shape."

Wow, don’t you want to be that employee? Don’t you want to be that manager in that story? It is possible! 

10 Tips To Go From Dreaded Ritual To Meaningful Conversation

So how do you transform the performance review from a conversation employees want to avoid to one they look forward to? By being caring, genuine, authentic, and impactful. 

Let’s dive into how you can do that—and yes, it’s doable to have a caring conversation while driving goals and results throughout the year.  

1. Set the foundation with clear intentions.

Before you even schedule the meeting, take a moment to think about your purpose. A great performance review isn’t just about evaluating past performance; it’s about guiding future potential. Approach the conversation with a mindset of support, not judgment. 

Ask yourself:

• What do I want the employee to walk away with? Do I hope they gain clarity about their strengths, feel motivated by future opportunities, or walk away with actionable steps for improvement?  
• How can I make this conversation a springboard for growth?  
• What have I observed about their strengths and opportunities?  

By clarifying your intentions, you’re planning with the end in mind. These questions, by the way, are good for any conversation from the “you are doing great” to the “you need help” conversations.  

2. Be prepared. It’s a conversation, not a checklist.

Nothing kills authenticity faster than a manager reading verbatim from a form or not knowing your employee! Performance reviews should feel like a dialogue, not a monologue.  

Here’s how to prepare: 

• Review the employee’s achievements and challenges over the review period.  
• Gather specific examples—vague feedback doesn’t help anyone.  
• Consider their career goals and how they align with organizational priorities.  

Do the Legwork

If you find yourself scrambling the night before to prepare, stop and ask, “What message does this send?” Ideally, managers should begin preparation at least a few weeks in advance to gather meaningful insights, examples, and align goals. Respect the effort your employee puts into their work by showing you’ve put effort into understanding it.

If that bit of advice feels like an attack, I’ve got some unsurprising news for you. You're not doing enough to understand your employees. You’ll need to go back and gather more data before trying to facilitate this conversation.

You can ask for a self-evaluation, talk to your peers about your employee’s impact, and perhaps be vulnerable during the conversation. You can admit to your employee that you didn’t connect as much in the past year and discuss better ways to stay in touch and connected in the upcoming year.  

3. Lead with care. Be human first.

No one thrives under a robotic manager. Start the conversation by connecting as humans, sharing and knowing that employees can have a lot of anxiety about these reviews. 

Examples:  

• "Before we dive in, I want to say I appreciate all the hard work you’ve put in this year. How are you feeling about things right now?"  
• "I know the year had its ups and downs—what’s one thing you feel especially proud of?"  

This small gesture signals you see them as more than their output—it’s about the person behind the work. 

4. Be genuine. Deliver honest feedback with respect. 

Here’s the hard part: giving honest, constructive feedback without sugarcoating or crushing spirits. Employees crave genuine feedback, even when it’s tough to hear. What they don’t need is criticism without context or a lack of actionable insights.

Use this formula for tough feedback: 

1. Acknowledge strengths:
   • “One thing I really admire about your work is your initiative in leading the team meeting last quarter.”
2. Be specific about areas to grow: 
   • “I noticed in [specific example], there was room to improve by…”
   • “For instance, during the client presentation, there were a couple of moments where additional data could have strengthened your point.” 
3. Frame it as an opportunity: 
   • “This is an area where I think you could really shine with some focus on…”
   • “With some more preparation on anticipating audience questions, I believe you could elevate your presentations to an even higher level.”

When delivered with respect, even challenging feedback can feel empowering for an underperforming employee. Remember, the goal isn’t to criticize—it’s to guide.

5. Be authentic. Share your own perspective.

We’ve all been trained to be “professional” in reviews, but professionalism doesn’t mean stripping away your personality. Authenticity builds trust.  

If you’re feeling inspired by their progress, say so! If you’re unsure how to help them overcome a challenge, admit it and invite collaboration. You can also share examples of how you have struggled in the same area. 

For example:  

• “I’ve been so impressed by your ability to [specific achievement]. I’ll admit, I’m still figuring out how to help you get to the next level, but I’d love your thoughts.”

Employees value leaders who are real. Pretending you have all the answers doesn’t serve anyone. We are all humans! 

6. Create impact and focus on the future

While it’s important to review the past, don’t spend the entire conversation looking in the rearview mirror. The real magic of a performance review lies in shaping what’s ahead.  

Ask questions like:  

•  “What skills or experiences would you like to build in the next six months?” 
• “Are there projects or roles you’re excited to explore?”
• “What support do you need from me to achieve your goals?”

Then, make a plan together. Document clear, actionable next steps and follow through on your commitments. For example, if an employee mentions wanting to improve their leadership skills, you might respond with: “That’s a great goal. Let’s explore opportunities for you to lead a small project or mentor a junior team member in the next quarter.” 

7. Be a cheerleader. Celebrate wins, big and small.

Never underestimate the power of recognition. Even if the year was challenging, there’s always something to celebrate. 

In a remote or hybrid work setting, this might look like a dedicated shout-out in a team-wide video call, a personalized message in a company chat platform, or even a virtual award ceremony.

For example, you could send a thoughtful email highlighting specific contributions and copying relevant stakeholders, ensuring the recognition feels personal and impactful. Small gestures, like digital gift cards or e-cards signed by team members, can also go a long way in making remote employees feel valued and seen.  

Highlight wins, no matter how small they may seem. This builds momentum and confidence. For example: 

• “You handled [specific project or situation] so well—it really stood out as a highlight this year.”

Employee recognition isn’t just about saying "good job." It’s about showing that you see their contributions and value them.  

8. Foster psychological safety

Creating an environment where employees feel safe to share is going to determine the success of your review. Performance reviews should never feel like a one-sided judgment.  

Ask for feedback on your leadership:

•  “What’s one thing I could do differently to better support you?”

Feedback Has to Go Both Ways

To encourage honest feedback from employees who may hesitate to critique their managers, try framing the question in a non-threatening way: “If you were in my role, is there anything you’d approach differently?” or “What’s one small change I could make that would help you feel more supported?” Additionally, normalize feedback by sharing an example of how you’ve acted on constructive feedback in the past: “How do you feel about the guidance I’ve provided this year?” And don’t get defensive. This isn’t about you—it’s about how you can grow to help your team thrive.

9. Embrace imperfection: It’s okay to be human! 

Spoiler alert: You’re not going to nail every performance review. Sometimes, you'll find you focused too heavily on weaknesses without offering a constructive path forward.

If you catch yourself doing this, acknowledge it during the conversation by saying something like: “I realize I’ve focused a lot on areas for improvement. Let’s pivot and talk about what’s been working well and how we can build on your strengths.” 

This kind of recovery can transform a misstep into a productive dialogue. Some conversations will feel awkward, others may not go as planned. That’s okay. 

Remember, being a caring, genuine, authentic, and impactful manager isn’t about being flawless—it’s about showing up with heart, being honest, and continuously learning.  

10. Keep the momentum going

A great performance review doesn’t end when the meeting does. Follow up with consistent check-ins, revisit goals, and keep the dialogue alive.  

Use Your 1-to-1 Meetings Wisely

Discuss progress in your 1:1 meetings throughout the year. This shows you’re invested in their success and aren’t just ticking a box. If you aren’t having 1:1 meetings throughout the year, the performance review is mighty tough. Consider this your reminder to schedule them for the entire year. You can always move them around, but make they are on the books! #showingthemyoucare

The Bigger Picture

At its core, a performance review is an opportunity to build trust and inspire growth. To leave a lasting impact, remember these key takeaways: focus on the future, be genuine and authentic, and always celebrate wins.

Take the first step by approaching your next review with a mindset of curiosity and connection. Your effort today could be the catalyst for meaningful growth—both for your team and yourself. Yes, it’s about feedback, but it’s also about connection. It’s a chance to show your team that you care not just about what they do, but who they are and who they’re becoming.  

Let’s change the performance review dread into desire! Show up as the leader you’d want to have—one who’s caring, genuine, authentic, and always striving to make an impact.  Your employees deserve nothing less. And guess what? So do you.

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